I know this is very un-Cardinal-related, but I thought I'd share a few pointers I've learned during my first week of school. Heck, I'm sure the locker room is like this. Just pretend it's Colby Rasmus writing home to his mom after his first week in St. Louis.

What I've learned in my first week back in college, living in a all-male dorm.

1. Guys are green. The "if it's yellow, let it mellow; if it's brown, flush it down" is a rule most live by in the house. Unfortunately, that last phrase gets neglected sometimes. Which makes me wonder: how do you forget to do that? Did you have a pressing business meeting and forget your TPS report in your car? No, you are a lazy college student with a propensity to leave the scene of the crime without cleaning up the evidence.

2. Don't expect to get studying done in your room, especially if you have a TV. A.) Unless you can study to T.I. and 'Lil Wayne spitting beats on money and girls with booties the size of a yoga ball (pretty big), or Andy Sandberg attempting to explain to us that he is indeed not on land, you're pretty much screwed. B.) With ESPN always an option right in front of you, especially with the Little League World Series on, you're double screwed. Eventually you end up as a rapping kid-watcher who doesn't know how to operate a solid investment strategy. Trust me, you do.

3. No matter how much you attempt to keep your room organized, you won't. As an obsessive-compulsive, anal-retentive person, I need to have things stay the way they are, where I put them. Then you get some papers from every single organization on campus. Then you get free cups with coupons that expire in a week and little highlighters that you aren't quite sure if you'll use but are too afraid that you might be able to find a use for them that you don't know where to put. Then you have clothes that you are too lazy to put in a hamper. All of a sudden, it looks like a F-5 tornado hit your room, complete with DOROTHY's little metal balls used to calculate it's pattern. Sadly, my room is one of the cleaner ones.

4. You are free to walk around in your boxers as much as you'd like. No girls means you can live like a caveman. Unfortunately, there's those people that take this PRIVILEGE too much like a right and begin to exploit it to it's boundaries. It's almost as if when you put a group of guys together, we try to revert as closely to being cavemen as we possibly can without finding weapons and fighting for space on the couch. Eh, sometimes that happens too. *raises hand* Guilty.

5. Drama is a fictitious apparition brought about by intertwining men and women together. Out here, in the outback of all-male living, drama does not exist. It's almost as if there could be, but we simply are too lazy to let it become drama. In this secluded part of society, men are men. If you wronged me, I tell you. If I wronged you, you tell me. Crisis averted, and we all can go back to solving bigger problems in life, like finding out the culprit in number one.

6. It's fun. If you haven't lived in all-gender housing at one point in your life, I hope you can experience it sometime. I'm sure I'll get sick of it by next week, but, until then, I have to go figure out where that smell is coming from.